Being Content

    
           Last night sermon at church was encouraging to me because  it spoke on being in fear in sharing how we as people  do  mess up.
          Mostly everyone knows that we are not perfect  but it is still the fact that we sometimes become afraid to fail....
     I feel like a failure when talking about my past
My coming  up  with parents  - my mistakes of disobedience and dishonor......
I was taken to a group home - I was a ward of the State in my teen years......My learning lesson from Christ   of knowing  what children go through who don't have parents loving them and disciplining them and showing them how to Love Jesus back because he surely  loves us all back.
 My failure of  wanting a mate , a boyfriend , and then when I got my boyfriend, I failed into the bed of sex , the UH OH ! I am Dead with My  father God ....my own lies of  justification saying to self  "everyone is doing this " ....I failed

 I remember having my first born child, and I knew the lessons of premarital sex, all  I knew  was I failed...... I wanted to be married and not live with a boyfriend ,go to church pretending like heaven  will come and possible chances that the church will be gone......

 Grace from God because if The Church was gone , I would of missed it  and would of suffered long and hard  in a world that is going to get worst and eventually burn  ... I can imagine but don't want experience it .......

I failed when I stepped out of my committed relationship with my then boyfriend  numerous  times , and telling myself  this  lie about  "  I wanna to experience with other and not live a life connected to one partner , another crazy thought in my head  was " I will let this continue because we will probable break up since he do not want to marry  me  "

 I failed when lies were being told in my relationship ......

I failed when I did not pray .....because it got me in many hurtful arguments and discussions .......

God , I thank you for calming storms in my life ,I thank you for placing my feet in a congregation where I feel not judged in a sense  where stones will be thrown but  if they  judged me ,it will be criticism for me to do better in my growing in you ......

thank you Lord for the lessons I have learned and the lessons you are still teaching me to help me get stronger .....
I do Lord understand that it is better to be content than to be worried.

 I do  understand    what  James  3:2   We all Stumble in many ways 

 I have been on my  financial Peace journey  and there are some  bumps and bruises  of getting those   SIMPLE  money  Baby Steps right.....I fail in not being perfect  of keeping that emergency fund far away  .....I have failed when a bill was not paid on time after I promised myself   over and over ...this won't  happen this month.....

 I know that  admitting my failures is  pure  honesty ...its apart of  God's test for me because it is truly a  Testimony .....to encourage others  to see ,  I am human too......and then that is the beginning of finding out  what contentment looks and feels like ....